who am i gonna be today?

I’ve been working really hard lately to figure out who I am, to decide where I’m going and try to plan out how to make it all happen. Basically just trying to figure all my shit out.

For a while, I’ve been feeling kind of debilitated when it comes to all that this encompasses. And rightly so - that’s a lot of pressure to put on yourself. And frankly, not entirely something you can just “decide” to do.

I think with my consumption habits and current job, I’ve been so close to social media lately, it’s gotten into my head that I need to find an identity - or niche, if you will - in order to describe who I am and where I fit in to society and really to just make sense of myself.

A lot of my internal monologue has consisted of:

“Am I really an aesthetic, cute girly who gets ready every day and has a aesthetic, cute house? I mean, kind of but not all the time.”

“I like going to the gym, but I’m not really as muscular as these other girls and I have more interests than just the gym. So I’m not really a “fit girl”?? Am I?”

And I could go on all day about all the different “types” of girls you see on the internet. Where do I fit?

The answer is, I don’t.

And I’m not supposed to.

NOBODY is supposed to. It’s seriously just such a ridiculous notion! I had to give myself a serious intervention the other day to remind myself that the internet is not real and I’m a complex human being and I am none of those girls and also all of those girls simultaneously.

I actually started a list the other day (one that I’m not quite ready to share) of all the different kinds of “girls” I am. Kind of counterintuitive to everything I’ve just said, but I feel like being able to identify with so many different things and acknowledge the variety of interests I have has actually helped me to step from one box to another, rather than getting stuck in just one.

To me, it’s impossible to escape these labels. And being told to “just be yourself” can be more daunting than the idea of being just one type of person. So now, I’m a girl who likes to read and also likes to get ready and look cute (somedays) and lately I’ve even been a runner too! In shifting my mindset to encompass and identify all the things that I AM, I’m continuing to learn more about myself and discover more of the things I want to do/be.

Taking it day by day and not restricting yourself to being just one thing all the time makes life fun and fluid! That way, you can ask yourself every day (or every hour or every minute):

“Who am I gonna be today?”

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