a poem about our Gladiator Dane.

My husband Zach wrote a poem about our Gladiator Dane, Titan.

I’m here to give my thoughts and suggest revisions.

Titan is a giant,

Ely doesn’t like him because of the slobber,

He’s almost like the Hulk; he’s just gonna clobber,

However - unlike his brother - he’s not very defiant.

Zach put rhyming at the forefront, which I don’t think is a problem. However, I think the hyper focus on the rhymes was a bit detrimental to other parts of the poem. It doesn’t flow very smoothly when spoken out loud and seems to lack in telling a story or focusing on a specific event. Each of the lines is about Titan, but they also feel a bit disconnected from the others.

If I were to rewrite the poem, following his same ABBA rhyming pattern, here’s a quick draft of my version:

We have a dog named Titan, he’s bigger than a deer.

If you’re gonna get a Gladiator Dane, you better be prepared,

When people see him coming, they oftentimes get scared.

Little do they know, he’s one to cower in fear.

Honestly I don’t love it, nor do I like the ABBA pattern of rhyming. Maybe I’ll rework it someday!

11/29